


Why is Buttsex a Thing?

by Sanguinifex (Eros_Scribens)



Series: The Bisexual Awakening of John Fitzgerald Byers [3]
Category: The Lone Gunmen (TV), The X-Files
Genre: Bisexuality, Canon Era, Dildos, First Time, Hair-pulling, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Prostate Stimulation, Sexual Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 05:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18934507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eros_Scribens/pseuds/Sanguinifex
Summary: The last thing Byers expected today was for Langly to show up with a dildo in his pocket.Or, Byers discovers his prostate.





	Why is Buttsex a Thing?

“Hello?” said Byers to the knock on his door.

Langly let himself in without explicit permission. “You working on anything time-sensitive?”

“Not really. Why?” The editorial could wait. It was nothing he hadn’t said before, if he was honest with himself.

“You asked the other day why someone would take it up the butt. I’m here to show you.” Langly reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out something pink. It took Byers a second to realize what it was.

Byers spluttered. “You can’t just—”

“It’s a dildo. I really hope you know what that is. It’s in my pocket so it warms up. I even brought lube, to make it easy,” said Langly, pulling a plastic bottle with a blue cap out of his other pocket. K-Y, or the drugstore brand knockoff, Byers guessed. Susanne had used it, too.

“Langly, you can’t just ask people to put things up their butts!”

“Yeah I can. And you can tell me to get out, but aren’t you curious?”

“Dammit. I’m a little curious. It’s just….” Byers eyed the dildo with trepidation.

“It’s glass, which means it’s smooth, and it’s less than an inch thick. You’ve taken bigger shits.” Langly _was_ always one to put it bluntly. “For the record, I sit on this thing without lube, pretty regularly. Yes, I cleaned it.”

“So what do I…?”

“Take off your pants—“

“That much is obvious,” said Byers, getting up and fumbling with his belt buckle.

“—and then hands and knees on the bed is the easiest, probably.”

 Byers assumed the position. In that moment, he was very aware of his breathing, and of the bedspread rubbing against his face, ruffling his beard the wrong way. How had he gotten into this?  Sheer insanity.

“This is gonna be a little cold” said Langly, popping open the bottle cap with a snap. Byers jumped as Langly’s fingers brushed over his anus, coating it with lube.

“Tickles,” he muttered.

“Now, dildo,” announced Langly.

“Just like that?” asked Byers, voice rising.

“It’s glass. It’ll go in easier than my fingers. Trust me. And stop clenching.”

The glass was warm from Langly’s pocket. Byers felt pressure, and resisted the urge to fight it; then, all of a sudden, the dildo was past his sphincter and in.

Byers gasped. The foreign object burned, despite the lube, but not entirely in a bad way. He wasn’t fully hard yet, having started from completely flaccid just a few seconds before, but he could feel the blood rushing to his crotch, his flesh thickening. If he’d actually been turned on already, he might well have come then and there, he thought. As it was…well, the completely unromantic parallel that sprang to mind was trying to wipe too fast with cheap truckstop toilet paper, and how it burned and made you feel like you needed to pee for a bit after. So that was actually the anal equivalent of an accidental erection. Interesting. Byers wasn’t sure he liked having things up his ass, despite the arousal, but he could see how Langly might enjoy it.

And then Langly moved the dildo.

Byers gasped out an involuntary “Oh” as the dildo pressed something he hadn’t known was longing to be touched. He could practically hear Langly smirking behind him. “Do that again,” he managed, a bit more coherently.

Langly did.

Byers slid one hand under himself, roughly stroking himself as Langly thrust with the dildo. Occasionally the rigid glass would press too hard, almost pinching—Byers would hiss—but Langly always quickly corrected it. Langly was going on about materials and friction, presumably related to dildos, but Byers was past listening, past doing anything but chasing the novel pleasure. Well, not entirely novel. He’d always felt pleasure as building inside the core of him, not simply in his dick, but he’d never dreamed that that core could be touched and stimulated directly. Now it was. The waves of heat met in the center and broke, and Byers grunted and came all over the bed, surprising himself. That had taken a lot less effort than it usually did. It also lasted longer, since Langly kept hammering his prostate until Byers winced and asked him to stop.

Langly pulled out the dildo, inspecting it and then shoving it back in his pocket. Byers rolled over on his back, feeling hollowed out, loose-limbed, utterly emptied, and surprisingly satisfied, and dazedly stared up at Langly, eyes landing on the bulge tenting the buttons on his fly.

“Is that a dildo in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” he asked.

Langly huffed. “Jerked off before I did this, but I guess it wasn’t enough.” He looked around, perhaps looking for computers. Byers didn’t keep one in his room, just in the common area. “You got any porn in here?”

“What?”

“Porn.”

“No. Not much into it, to be honest.”

“Is that some kind of Catholic thing?”

“What? No, just…I don’t usually find masturbation particularly satisfying.”

“You gotta be into _something_. Besides the suits. It’s probably the suits.” Langly sat down on the bed.

“Fine. Schoolgirl uniforms. On grown women, mind you.”

Langly had his fly open and a hand down his pants, obviously trying to get himself off as fast as possible. Byers was tempted to just fall asleep, but one, he was naked from the waist down, and two, it would screw up his sleep schedule to all hell. Rousing himself from boneless relaxation, he propped himself up on one elbow. “Need a hand with that?”

“Nah, I’m better at playing with my joystick than you’d be. Do something else. Pull my hair just a little.”

Tentatively, Byers grasped a handful of Langly’s long hair and tugged gently.

“Yeah, like that,” said Langly, breathlessly. “In fact, could be a little harder.”

Encouraged, Byers upped the pressure. Inspired by something Susanne had done to him, he swiped a thumb over the edge of Langly’s ear. The noise Langly made seemed to indicate approval.

Langly soon came, almost mechanically. He looked around for something to wipe his hand on, then swiped the mess on Byers’ bedspread.

“Hey!”

“You already jizzed on it,” pointed out Langly. “Well. Gotta go wash a dildo. What’d you think?”

“I think I liked it,” said Byers, staring at the bedspread, still a bit fuckbrained. There was a loose thread, and it was really interesting.

“They sell dildos like that at the adult store. You know the one.” Langly named the street, as he finished buttoning up his fly.

“Yeah,” said Byers, as Langly vanished out the door. He recognized the address; it was on the way to the grocery store.

And now he was stuck with the laundry. Dammit.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, actually, you don't need a ton of prep for a smallish glass dildo. Smallish glass dildo may as well be prep, if you plan on silicone or an actual dick later. Fingers have way more friction, so a glass dildo is going to be easier to take than fingering. Trust me, I've made this comparison through trial and error. (Just in case someone's mad I didn't show them fingering and am going to give teenagers bad ideas about how to do anal sex or something. Guys, it's a butthole, not a nuclear reactor core.)


End file.
